And then I didn’t know what to do with her when she made those doe eyes at me and said she was really, really, really looking forward to hanging out again. I can’t feel great about these stories since the experience for these ladies was probably not hugely validating.And hey, maybe I was just flattering myself and they weren’t that into me either.It’s more accurate to attribute this kind of behavior to cluelessness rather than malice, with also makes it easier on you.In the meantime, it still sucks to be on the receiving end.There he was, showing up outside your castle window every day in his mostly shiny but frankly also a little rusty armor, strumming his lute and warbling his troubadour songs. Now, I don’t know exactly what was going on in your particular situation, Sheila, since I wasn’t there.
So you give him a call, send him a message, tease him a little, and make it playfully but clearly known that his company would be welcome: “So. A month into the relationship, she issued an ultimatum that, in retrospect, was such a marvel of simplicity and effectiveness that I’ve been teaching it to my female students ever since: “Listen, I think you’re really great, and we obviously have a great time together.He didn’t have the courage to ask your supercute friend out, but you were cute enough, more attainable, and standing next to her, so voilà.He actually likes you, but he finds your earnest Christian tendencies dampening his enthusiasm. How do you get a guy to treat you like priority instead of an option?There he was, totally interested, looking dapper in his buffalo skin while nonchalantly swinging his club at the cave entrance, offering you some freshly killed mastodon meat. What, if anything, could you have done differently?
Why waste time when a better match is around the corner? In every interaction, whether on phone, online or in person, keep in mind, “There’s a real human being on the other end, and a small but nonzero chance this guy/girl could be my future ex-spouse.” So be nice now, and pay attention. If you were to remember one of the Four Agreements from Don Miguel Ruiz’s Toltec wisdom, let it be #2: don’t take anything personally.